When we are at our unstressed best, our natural state of not worrying … we are truly our kindest and make the best decisions.
Of course that state may not stay with us for long, as all states are impermanent. We may be in one moment serene, delighted, confident, with clarity, and feel loving kindness and tranquility. From zero to 60 in so many seconds we can feel entirely the opposite and wonder what happened.
This is how it works. Energy and emotions are the same. Energy ebbs and flows. We certainly can fuel the flames … as in biting the hook. We have wisdom, and we sometimes make the choice to believe the feeling instead.
We have all developed deep seated and perhaps irrational fears from early, maybe pre verbal and pre understanding stages of our life. No real reason, but at the basic level of abandonment or perceived or real threat …. these places exist in all of us. We don’t know why or where they come … we could see them as the same energy and emotions arising and moving through us, without story. Typically we attach a story, like a sequel to the movie. “Last time …. “, or “this always happens ….” or “I don’t want to feel that again …” or even “just when I was happy … every time I am happy this happens …” etc. On and on the story goes. It is a self told story in our minds. Adding stress and increasing our grudges and bad feelings about self, wisdom, not acting kindly toward self and others. It goes on and on.
It may seem crazy, or sensible, or true or false and it is just memory …. not the same as what is happening right now in this moment. Not the facts really, just playing on the energy that arises from the memories of past …. forming new worry and thoughts to try to make sense of it. It may seem crazy or sensible. We do learn, although maybe not from past experiences so much as current quiet careful thoughts when our energy is more peaceful and we have less frantic stuff going on. We learn when we abandon the old story and see the new circumstance for the new details that it presents. Different time, place, people, circumstances than any previous time.
We can learn to cope. What is in this moment at this time? Can we try to see it with a new filter, a clean filter, maybe as if we were on the moon looking down, or if it were someone else telling the story that was happening to them … how would we respond or suggest action? These are strategies to remove our own blind filters.
Some people have more restless minds. You can recognize them by their worries. We all have fears but a restless mind is always dredging up what looks like unrealistic fears. Logic does not work with people with restless mind and memories of fearful (real or perceived) threats from past experience. They may start with restless energy, restless mind and a thought pops up – they feel aversion to that thought (jealousy or anger, or unkindness) and then it becomes agitation and the more it is reinforced the more anger is fueled. Rage can result.
Re read the first line. Help people become less stressed and kind. You do that by listening, reflecting, and offering assistance for them to get back to that state. Breathe and encourage them to breathe and let the energy pass without thought if possible. You don’t have to go with the thoughts they are having. You can simply rest your mind, breathe, focus on your breath and encourage them to do the same. If they are addicted to the restless worry … you get to decide if that is the life for you.
We get to decide in each moment if we chose good news or bad news about ANY circumstance. Whatever we think, it will pass in 60 seconds anyway. Let it pass and see what new thoughts arise. If we keep repeating an old thought, we leave no room for the new thought to arise. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
We carry our worries and fears and sometimes find a therapist (or a mom) to help us with them. Sometimes we are truly lucky to have a life partner to share them with. Is this the partner you want? Or keep looking for one who is truly a good fit for you and you for them? Sometimes we desire to have what another person has … or we want NOT to have what another person has. No point in either of these thoughts. Try to see them as energy attached to a story … and let them pass like clouds in the sky. Slowly sometimes, but moving on nevertheless and changing shape.
Sending so much love always.