GrammieLove: an exploration

GRAMMIE-LOVE: the exploration 27 Jan 2011

Today I begin another fantastic journey. This time not on cruise ship, no flight to far away lands. I return to family and home. So much has changed, the journey will explore just how much is the same.

I moved to Revelstoke in early 1984, January actually. I had been living in Calgary prior and was newly married to a man who lost his employment and through family connections of mine, my brother, was able to secure a job with the railroad. I left my employ in Youth Probation (my dream job) to start a family in Revelstoke.

I became pregnant almost immediately by my calculations. 9 months later, Sheena Dawn was born early in the new day of 6 October. She was birthed in to the world in such glory and was love, immediately.

And now, I am returning to that place as Sheena is about to give birth to her second child, also in Revelstoke. The first grandchild for me, Luke, was born in June a year and a half ago in this same town, same hospital, same nurse on duty. I sat in the waiting room, as my mother had for me, waiting to offer support if it was necessary and otherwise, holding love and space for the miracle to happen within reach.

I met young Lucas that morning of his birth in the same hospital. I spent his first week of life close by and savoring the precious moments of holding his lovely tiny frame in my seasoned aging hands. Smelling him, cooing with him, singing to him, dancing and rocking and holding his sweet self. Loving his very being and asking for nothing less in return.

I have had a few occasions to hold him since and now he is walking, running and speaking to the world in monosyllables. He is unaware, I am sure, of the change about to take place in his world. Even his mom won’t surely remember what happens when a new being arrives and takes the center stage for a while. When instead of constant center of attention and wonderful limitless love and time, there arrives another interesting party, a tiny bundle of life and smells and noises. Luke will learn to be patient and kind. He will learn to share and be shared with. He will see the world forever changed.

I long to be with him. I was not a first child and I don’t know what that feels like. I know that I want to be with his mother and with him as this new chapter of his life, her life and my life begins. I so wish my mother was with me here as well. I guess this journey I must learn to do on my own this time.

For those following my blog, you will know that my mother now resides across the other side of Canada snuggled in her apartment, living among her family and friends from her youth. She is truly home. I am still a bit displaced as I find my home wherever my heart and my children are.

For the next few weeks I believe I will be “home” with Sheena and Luke. I will be immersed in their world, and the transition to this new world that arrives with the birth of another little soul.

I will witness the event, hold tight to the love and hugs and books and stuffed toys, cars, blankets and other objects once belonging to this small family of 3. Soon to be the family of 4.

I look forward to this precious time and leave much undone and waiting for my return and knowing for sure that this is a time to hold fast and be as present as I can to feel the subtle yet significant shift in the world population and the life in my family.

Travel alone is a cherished activity. I know it is selfish to say and even more selfish to do. To enter mindfulness in travel. To allow my attention to drift to the gal sitting next to me watching cartoons on her lap top Mac and now reading a complicated University level textbook on the functioning of the brain. And all around people shuffle about, some solo and some with young families, children pointing out discoveries in delight, parents a bit tired from an already long day preparing for this ferry travel. I allow my thoughts to wander, I bring them home and take another breath. Let that one go, take another one in, and so goes my thoughts.

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